After two months, I invited him on a preplanned trip with friends, but he declined.After the trip, his text messages became shorter and the phone calls stopped.D., co-author of Her take: “The first guy I dated when I moved to New York let me take care of him, which I thought would lead to a relationship.
I asked him for a picture, and he sent me a video clip of him as a police officer where two of his friends shocked him with a taser gun because they thought it was funny. ” -Amy W., 39Expert take: Men and women find different things attractive and look for different things in profiles.“He probably thought the video was cool, that he looked like a tough guy, and that Amy would see it the same way,” Davis says.Those who use phrases similar to “hoping to be friends first” are usually looking for fun rather than commitment, says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of e Flirt Expert, and author of You can also weed out the casual sex seekers by looking at the context around your planned date: Is he willing to set up a date for a week or so later?Meet for coffee or in a place where you can hear each other talk?Expert take: A lot of guys have two categories of women they’re dating: the women they just want to have sex with and the women they’re interested in having long-term relationships with, Kerner says.
In this situation, Kate might have been giving too much too soon.
“The more there’s courtship and the guy is pursuing a woman he’s interested in, the more powerful the reward is of actually being with that person is.
If a guy gets everything up front, it’s quite possible his interest and that reward mechanism aren’t going to kick into gear,” Kerner explains.
It’s also easy to build up a fantasy of what someone is like when you’re long distance.
“The weekend didn’t live up to your expectations—but what really happened is that this guy didn’t live up to the expectations that you had created over the prior few months,” says Lissa Coffey, relationship expert and author of Her take: “I used a dating site a few years ago and was linked up with someone that didn't have a photo on his profile.
I asked him to hang out one weekend, and he said he was busy but didn’t initiate another hangout.