Every-one stopped work and looked in silent awe upon the angryman. At last the eyes of all turnedrather inquiringly to the lady from the country. Bolton ̶ ̶ It is that story of the young lady organist. "Yer not a horse but yer ahorse's arse." Wheaton ̶ ̶ That reminds me of the sotry of the old Irish woman who saw the clown exhibiting his feats (nothis feet) to the priest, turning summersaults back andforth.
If all the yarns are as musty as this, theclub must order a pail of cold tea. He had been a tough old fellow and hadbeen very much given to cock fighting, but when the lordtook hold of him he gave up the brutal sport and destroyedthe birds all save one. He could not bring himself to the point ofputting away this one, but saving its life kept the gamefowl in the barn, where he could frequently look upon andadmire the beautiful creature. A fig for your fashionable girls, With their velvets and satins and laces, Their diamonds and rubies and pearls, And their milliners' figures and faces. Hehad been feeding liberally on fress vegetables, and in the night was take short.
As a natural consequencethere were frequent longings for the excitement of thefight. They may shine at a party or ball, Emblazoned with half they possess; But give me in place of them all My girl with the calico dress. Theclerk again repeats his question, "don't you want a bridalchamber? He looked around for the catchall,but found it not.
Even as there can be no retro-grade without progression, so there can be no onwardmarch without some backward trend. "It is because of this need that we, the busy, bustlingdrummers of the great Northwest are met on this occasion. Gentlemen, itis the law of this club that when a member is called uponfor story, joke or song, he shall at once respond, or pay a round of drinks. Smith ̶ ̶ The king and gentlemen of the club: Theoldest and mustiest chestnut that occurs to me at this time,is the well worn story of the man who was so inordinatelyjealous of his pretty little wife.
Man need to see,to feel, to touch the wrong before he learns to know theright. We feel this need ̶ ̶ this bent of man to turn our faces fromthe dusty way that leads to cent per cent, and here in songand toast and story and the joke,. "It is because we recognize the universal and funda-mental law of procreation that we do not bar the dooragainst the tough and mouldy yarn. In case he does his tale unfold, it mustbe an old chestnut, or the penalty applies. So haunted was he withfear that she might be untrue to him; that night and dayhe ceased not to toss the subject about in his mind.
The old captain tried in vain to subdue the desire,and the upshot was that he was at length force to the con-clusion that he must either give up religion or the bird. Ferguson ̶ ̶ A certain foreman had been muchtroubled by reason of the delay caused by the young ladiesin the shop. Scott you can sing a good song and singa song well. She's as plump as a partridge and fair As the rose in its earliest bloom; Her teeth will with ivory compare, And here breath with the clover perfume. Wilson ̶ ̶ The newly wedded country gent was regis-tering at the Grand Pacific. " Countryman ̶ ̶ Wall, you might send one upfor her, I guess, but I can piss out of the winder. So what does he do, but hoist himselfonto the window sill and fire away. Rogers ̶ ̶ One of the oldest chestnuts on my list isthat of the young man who wanted to know what thewomens said and did at the sewing circles.
"He prayed earnestly for strength to conquer, and the Lord gave him grace. "He went to the barn and cut off the head of his cock. They paid so much attention to the question of frizzes and bangs that the working hours were sorely in-fringed upon. If you want a companion for life, To comfort, enliven and bless, She is just the right sort for a wife, Is my girl with the calico dress. Wilson ̶ ̶ If it please your majest, I am reminded ofanother bridal chamber story which ,with your permission, I will relate. The result was thenext morning decidedly apparent all the way from thewindow to the ground. Perkins ̶ ̶ I sad, at the play, to a friend at my side, Look! What a bosom is there, enraptured I cried̶ ̶How plump. My friend seemed amused ̶ ̶ turned quickly his head, Then shrugging, said yes ̶ ̶ nothing more ̶ ̶ 'Tis heavenly I cried ̶ ̶ when ̶ ̶ yawning, he said, It is ̶ ̶ but ̶ ̶ I've seen it before. SSo he dressedup in womans togs and went in as a visitor from the country.
Dhe dhrums they did rattle and the people did shtare T' see a coach and six horses drawn by a gray maire. Kelly opened the doorhe asked: "Does the widow Kelly live here? Smith ̶ ̶ Why should a child love mother more thanfather? Because while the father sends it up for nine monthsmother lets it out for life. The two stepped aside into a cloak room,and the old deacon paced back and forth at the end of thegallery. Mike ̶ ̶ Shure, whin oi wint hoame lasht noight oi foundme wife in bid wid Cerebro Sphinal Miningeetis. A pet squirrel which had been runningaround the stage wandered into the body of the hall, and all unnoticed scud about under the seats. He will comedown when he finds out that there are no nuts there." Chorus of voices ̶ ̶ Song from Hopkins. "I am feeling so queer, I don't know what it means, Oh Bill, Oh come Bill, Oh come Bill, Oh. They had delegated to her the selection of some article insilverware.
Oi sat meself down on a hot frozen shtone, Tin thousand around me, and me all alone. " "No," says the lady, "the widow Kelley don't live here, ye spalpeen." "Yer a liar," says Dennis, "and the corpse is comin'around the corner behint." The King ̶ ̶ That's a yard wide brogue you have Brother Morgan and you do it well. The time dragged wearily to the old deacon, andseveral times he found himself wishing he had attended tothe business himself, but probably not more than fifteenor twenty minutes had elapsed when the young man ap-peared and said: "I tell you, deacon, this scandalous gossipis all wrong. Pat (excitedly) ̶ ̶ Did yez kill dhe I-tal yun son-o-a-bitch? Suddenly a ladyin the audience grasped her skirts, jumped to her feet andscreamed. The Profes-sor inquired as to the cause, and was informed that a rathad run up the lady's clothes. Whether waking or sleeping I'm thinking of you, I am mashed on you Billy, and wish that you know. Hicks ̶ ̶ An Irishman of all work went to the priestto confess. " "Sure, sir," says Pat, "as I was going by Mary Ann'sroom the other night, the door was ajar and Mary Annundressing and winkin' at me." "Well," says the priest, "What did you do? "I went to my own room; but I had awful bad thoughts, sir." "Well," says the priest, "Is that all? "As I was passing the door thenext night, the door was further ajar and Mary Ann withnothin' on but her chemise, and her winkin' and smilin'. Now it so happened that this young lady washealthy, passionate and full of besom. White ̶ ̶ For many years after the war there werehot political debates between the members of the two greatparties.
Az Oi wuz a goin' to Nottinham faire, A ridin' on horseback upon a gray maire, Wid a lang mane and tail and a wishp on her back, Divil a haire wuz upon her that wuzn't coal-black OI mit a king and queen and a comp'ny a-morewid a nate little dhrummer bye, dhrummin' before Oh a nate little dhrummer bye batin his dhrum, Wid his heels in his pockets, before me did run. Morgan ̶ ̶ So the story goes, an Irishman by thename of Kelly fell from the top of a building in process ofconstruction and broke his neck. Opdyke ̶ ̶ Scene ̶ ̶ A bridal chamber; fresh country couple; gasblown out and stench accumulatin. Her presence calling to mindthe gossip, a committee of two ̶ ̶ an old deacon and a youngusher ̶ ̶ were appointed to wait on the young lady in thematter. "The next night I was passin' thedoor, and there was Mary Ann on the bed and she withouta stitch of clothes on her, and she still winkin' and smilin'. The old man was financially comfortable, butthe association had been so long and so endearing that themembers of the church felt that they must make him somepartying demonstration, presentations, etc.
Oi bowed meself down to His Majesty's Grace, And Oi axed him the road, for Oi knew not the place. The contractor came up,expressed his regret in extravagant phrase, and instructing Dennis O'Grady to inform the widow of the accident, triedto impress the messenger with the idea that the sad news must be broken gently. When he reached the domicile of the late Kelley he knocked, and when Mrs. The rest of you need not be bashful ̶ ̶ and they were not. The committee started for the organ gallery, butstopped on the way to settle the question as to whichshould do the talking. After some arguments, pro and con, the young man gavein, overcame his bashfulness in measure, and approach-ing the girl, touched her on the shoulder, and intimatedthat he would like some private conversation on a delicatepersonal matter. Cooke ̶ ̶ During an entertainment given by a slight-of-hand performer. On the brink of a brooklet a young maiden leans, Sighing, "Bill, Oh come Bill, Oh come Bill, Oh! "I went to my room, but, Ohthe bad thoughts I had." "Well, Well," says the priest, anxiously. Among others who were looking for a presentable giftwas a young lady who represented a Sunday-school class.
Sweet scents alone would soon destroy all sense ofsmell.