Older girls dating younger guys problem

When I was 15, I was dating a 28-year-old (cue gasping).

Looking back at that relationship now, seven years later, there are so many things I wish someone had told me before I decided to become the Lolita to this guy’s Humbert².

So it’s totally fine to moon over people who are older than you!

None of that stuff happened to me, but I still wince when I remember how I idealized the thought of someone being single-mindedly obsessed with me the way the novel’s narrator is with Lolita.(Um, probably don’t do this, you guys.) It wasn’t like I was stupid. But I didn’t have enough experience or wisdom (as opposed to intelligence) to completely understand what I was getting into.And the fact that adults and males have social/cultural/economic/etc.power over teenagers and females adds extra force to the power differential in this kind of arrangement.First, being attracted to older guys is completely and totally normal.

It doesn’t mean you have “daddy issues” or whatever; that phrase doesn’t actually mean anything, because it can be applied (or, preferably, not) to every person on the planet.

Which isn’t to say that there aren’t plenty of loving, mutually respectful relationships between people with long gaps between their birth years.

Not every one of these situations is going to be a soap opera about forbidden love and sexual corruption; sometimes it really is just about two people who really like and respect each other.

But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows what Snapchat is. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. When I was in my late 30’s I became involved with someone 15 yrs. The age difference did not seem especially significant during the 5 yrs we were together.

And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. Now in my mid 40’s though, the idea of dating someone in their 60’s does seem like a big difference in terms of where we each are in life.

Being attracted to someone older just means you are a human person who sometimes thinks other human people are sexy!