She has declined to tell me her name, so I have to think of her as her web sobriquet.
This is how I find myself waiting for "Sophia Loren".
One woman sends me a message heavily laden with sexual innuendo and I come to regard her as the mistress of the single entendre. Another woman's first contact with me included a plan for a day out together, including visits to art galleries, a stroll round a park and then "a few hours under the duvet". I'm later propositioned by someone who tells me she has an hourglass figure.Her photograph reveals that the hour has stretched to 90 minutes.The idea is presumably to safeguard people from searching for their own spouses on the site - though how a husband would explain to his errant wife how he came to stumble across her picture on a website for adulterers, I don't know.In order to fit in with the general ethos of the website I have invented a wife.We have encountered one another via an internet dating service established for the sole purpose of enabling married people to commit adultery.
It may sound like an unpleasant niche website for a handful of amoral people to whom wedding vows never meant very much.
But it claims to have more than 100,000 members in the UK.
Many of them are middle-class, many have young children.
Reading it on my laptop in the aptly named Cafe Affaire in central London, I consider what she really wants: a no-strings-attached sexual relationship.
What I don't know is how her husband will feel about it. Aside from the little matter of her marital status, she also believes I have a wife, but she doesn't care.
Later on I'm perplexed when she sends me two flirty text messages.