It’s the age old joke that sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life is the equivalent of eating the same frozen hamburger for every meal for all eternity while all of your single friends are zipping out to gastropubs and eating multiple delicious entrees in combinations that stand in defiance of the laws of God and Man. While that initial honeymoon stage of the relationship fade in order to form a bond that is deeper and more intimate as the two of you become closer and intertwine your lives together, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still live it up like a couple of horny teenagers at the start of a slasher movie.
There’s an apocryphal story about President Coolidge and his wife visiting an experimental government farm that specialized in developing new approaches to efficiency. Coolidge were taken on separate tours, and when Mrs. ” “Oh no,” said the guide, “it’s a different hen every time.” “Please tell that to Mrs. It’s an old joke but one with a kernel of truth in it: mammals have an instinctual need for novelty when it comes to sex.
Coolidge came to the chicken yard, she noticed that the rooster was vigorously mating with the hens. Male rats, after having mated with the receptive females housed with it will show a decreased interest in sex, even when the females are still interested.
By successfully challenging yourselves, you begin to condition yourselves to associate those feelings with your partner, not just the thrill of accomplishment.
Working together as a team to overcome trials forces you to communicate in new ways and opens you both up to new sides of one another that you don’t see often, if you’ve seen them at all…
One of the things that makes long-term monogamy incredibly difficult is that our bodies literally work against our best intentions; the dopamine spike from sex with the same partner decreases over time but spikes with a new one. That’s why the sexual encounters in the early stages of a relationship are firestorms of excitement that culminate in orgasms that blow the top of your head off: your body is reacting to the novelty of a new partner, and settles down as you become more familiar with one another. we get a little bored, even when we have an intense partner as well as greater sexual satisfaction.
Not only are both partners benefiting from the increased dopamine incurred from having new sex partners, but they’re taking advantage of a quirk of our primate ancestry known as sperm competition.
While having alone time – even separate vacations – can be important for maintaining a happy relationship, what I’m talking about is Interruption can be a powerful technique, especially for reviving and maintaining the spark of passion in your life.
By taking a break from one another, you’re disrupting the expected pattern of your routine.
Beating the Coolidge effect doesn’t mean that the only solution is to sleep with other people.
One of the ways of overcoming the drop in sexual interest is to build up sexual excitement elsewhere and redirect into the actual relationship – that is, getting all hot and bothered and bringing it home to your partner.
This doesn’t mean going out and making out with a stranger and coming back to your snugglebunny to actually get the payoff, just that you build up your sexual tension and arousal elsewhere.