Every great come-from-behind-and-win-the-game-story has cheerleaders. I, for one, am cheering for you to not only save your marriage, but to make it magical again.
As a mere mortal woman, you likely want him to hurt the way you hurt when he did the terrible thing.Of course, there’s no real comfort in making him suffer, even though it’s more tempting than a Cinnabon.If he asks why you’re so happy, you can acknowledge that his recent announcement or behavior reminded you that life is short and you decided to pay more attention to your happiness.There are going to be days when you think it’s not worth it, or it’s hopeless and stupid to try to save your marriage.Everything I’m going to suggest will sound contrary. These suggestions may sound like radical measures, but this is what I’ve seen breathe new life into a broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation–and it’s what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage. He did it because something was missing in your marriage. If you can set aside his crime for the moment and stay focused on the worthy goal of saving your marriage, you’ll give yourself a huge advantage.
Here are the specific actions I recommend to recover the good you had together in the beginning: I don’t want to diminish that what he did–moved out, cheated, found someone else–was an incredibly hurtful betrayal. You’ve known it too, but didn’t know what to do about it. He was vulnerable because there was so little oxygen in your marriage. If you’re having a visceral reaction to this idea right now, keep in mind that I’m in your corner, and this is not the end of the story.
Of course you’ll get discouraged, but your vision of being a happy couple is worthwhile and possible.
When you find yourself on the fence about your marriage, find the people in your life who support your vision and let them remind you to jump off on the side of love. You might feel far away from that, but this is a shortcut for getting back there. Laugh when he’s funny, and reference the inside jokes you share.
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I can’t think of anything more painful and heartbreaking than having your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore. I’m in love with someone else.” Or–maybe even worse—to discover those things without him saying anything.