Recall if you saw those fears realized early in the relationship, but were so attracted to the good things that you didn’t pay attention.
Many people are attracted to combinations of good and potentially destructive traits.
Dating can be stressful under the best of circumstances.
The answers to that will help you understand if you are realistically appraising how you are seen by others. What are the things you fear most in getting close to another person?
Most people believe they know what kind of a partner they want and actively seek those qualities in prospective possibilities.
Often those diabolically different qualities attract us from our memories of childhood nurturers who treated us similarly, yet we were dependent on them for survival and saw it as the way things are supposed to be. What keeps you from breaking the bonds of your past limitations?
The natural way that people learn about the world begins with the experiences and explorations they had as children.
Sadly, when most relationships end, those initial positive qualities are often still intact.
What more often causes relationships to die are the fears that arise in each partner as closeness evolves.
Those relationships from your past can leave you traumatized and fearful, or strong and resilient.
Sometimes their impact can strongly affect the way you respond to people who are similar in your present life.
Take time to answer in detail, and perhaps even return later to add more thoughts and feelings to your original notes.
Many of my patients have found that just the process of answering these five questions evokes a desire for more self-exploration.
Make a list of the most significant people who have deeply influenced what you believe about intimate relationships.