But, according to Van Epp, "The most fundamental, identifying feature of true jerks is their persistent resistance to ever changing their core jerk qualities." In this day and age, we choose our partners on your own whereas in the past, your family and friends were all involved in the process.So even if you were all gaga and starry-eyed, Great Aunt Leona was still keeping a clear head and an eye on your future.The relationship gets really serious really fast, they get infatuated, but the second the jerk finds out that you're not perfect and you no longer see them as perfect, they become demanding and critical." And sure, we all act like jerks once in a while.
On the other side are the overreacting types who are the life of the party, known for their enthusiastic and entertaining personalities, addicted to captivating and fast-paced romances that mask their deeper problems under a shroud of attentiveness and passion.
With time and exposure, their dark side emerges."You might be.
It's easy enough to bump into a jerk en route to finding a good romantic partner - you shouldn't curse yourself or your luck if you encounter one or two along the way.
Your responsibility, however, is to avoid dating said jerk.
Tomorrow, you're the incompetent, disappointing moron. Van Epp says, "These include players and [personal] space-invaders (What is mine is mine, and what is yours is mine.)" This immediately struck me, since I spent a good part of last Saturday night watching a big drunk guy in an orange shirt pawing a succession of strange women on the dance floor like a grizzly in heat. It's often hard to see from someone else's perspective, but a non-jerk will try.
Van Epp says, "In time, you will realize that you are invisible to your partner."According to Van Epp, "Emotionally unstable people live on the extreme right or the extreme left of center.
Before we go further, I must clarify that my definition of a jerk knows no gender bounds.
Both women and men can meet the jerk criteria, which entails self-absorption, lack of consideration for another's feelings, and often a sanctimonious, holier than thou attitude.
Van Epp says, "Good hearted people have the greatest risk for staying in a relationship with a jerk because good-hearted people so quickly forgive, overlook problems, minimize shortcomings and give second chances."Of course, some of these traits are necessary to keep a relationship on track.
But if you find that you're on the giving end of forgiveness more often that the receiving end, you might be setting yourself up for jerk after jerk after jerk.
In other words, when you're in the company of a bona fide jerk, you often have the feeling that you can't quite measure up to him and his lofty standards.