Romeo-and-Juliet-style limerence feels great and easy but doesn’t last. Now “grit” may not sound like something you’d praise on Valentine’s Day but that’s just an issue of wording. After analyzing the data, and controlling for the influence of other personality traits and demographic factors, she found that gritty men were 17 percent more likely to stay married. And what helps you cope with the problems of life better than anything? “Our closest relationships determine how we respond to the toughest times in life.” Here’s Jonah: There is no easy life.
Love is wonderful, love is joy, love is the greatest thing in the world… Marriage is hard work.(Older people are nodding right now while young people are probably sticking their fingers in their ears and reciting their favorite lines from “The Notebook.”)So how do you make love last? ” Um, let’s stop right there…Because the research shows Another recent paper summarized the results of 313 separate studies, concluding that the similarity of personality and preferences—such as, the scientists say, “matching people who prefer Judd Apatow’s movies to Woody Allen’s with people who feel the same way”— had no effect on relationship well-being.
What myths about love are leading us astray and what do you have to do to have a loving relationship that stands the test of time? We’re going to see what the research says makes real relationships last so you can get as close to the fairy tale as possible. Time to find out the answer to that often-ignored second question…You want to find the perfect person. Meanwhile, a 2010 study of twenty-three thousand married couples found that the similarity of spouses accounted for less than 0.5 percent of spousal satisfaction.
So, each month we'll test drive the latest dating apps and report back on what's worth your time.
Even though I was a psychology student and I thought I understood people pretty well.
I called somebody who looked at the research and has some answers…Jonah Lehrer is the author of Imagine and How We Decide. A lot of what you’re about to read is very unsexy and very unromantic. In short, what we think we want in a spouse—someone who is just like us and likes all the same things—and what we want in real life are fundamentally mismatched.
Ruling someone out because they love Coldplay and don’t appreciate the subtle genius of Radiohead is a bad idea.You download the app, create a profile, add some of your favorite pictures, and write a short bio.If you make a match, you can commence Instagram- or Facebook-stalking to learn more — at least that’s what we do.In a sense, you can look at complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship as just ways of showing you care.Arguing is not a sign of impending doom, it’s normal and natural. So, after years together, not fighting means you’re not communicating.(To learn how to win every argument, click here.)Some might be thinking, “Romeo and Juliet didn’t argue.” And my response would be…Yes, I know, that’s terribly unromantic. He walks over and starts talking in iambic pentameter.But if you do the work, it pays off over the long haul.(To learn the science behind how to be a good kisser, click here.)Okay, lots of talk so far about hard work. Is there a way to be more successful in your career and more successful in your relationship? There’s one quality that leads to good things in both…What does a lot of research say produces success in school and career? It’s because grit determines how we persist in trying situations. People who are particularly low in grit, when love feels like work, they’re more likely to drop out the same way soldiers do at West Point. After assessing fifty-two couples based on their oral history interviews, the psychologists Kim Buehlman, John Gottman, and Lynn Katz at the University of Washington found that the way spouses described their history predicted whether they would get divorced within the next three years with 94 percent accuracy. That’s really what George Vaillant and the Grant Study have looked at. Vaillant has found that what determines how well you adapt is who you love and how you love them. If you go down the list of everything we think we want in life it’s all tied up with the ability to love and be loved.